Favre: no plans to retire from being mental pain in the ass every spring

HATTIESBURG, MS — After a disappointing run with the New York Jets in 2008, retired quarterback Brett Favre is flirting with the Minnesota Vikings in an attempt to resurrect his once great career of screwing around with the minds of NFL fans.

In an exclusive off-camera interview with ESPN’s Rachel Nichols, Favre admitted that he has still has a need “to scratch the itch of playing mind fucker for Minnesota and all of the people who doubt my ability to mess with their heads about whether or not I really want to play this game anymore.”

“I’ve had a great career as one of the best mind fuckers in the history of the offseason and I think I still have something left for fans – and myself.”

Speculation began to swirl during the last week after Favre reportedly made contact with the Vikings, but mainly after he left the following status update on his newly created Facebook page:

“Brett Favre isn’t sure if he’s finished fucking with everybody during the offseason – yet.”

At the center of the controversy is Favre’s torn heart and whether or not the 10-time Pro Bowler could still play with the emotions of every NFL fan who has grown to expect his wishy-washy, uncanny ability to be on the fence – a talent which made him the world’s best at unretiring during the offseason.

“Look, I know I’ve broken every record for retiring and unretiring and retiring and unretiring again, but I still feel like I can still do it like I used to, ya know?”

When asked what he will do if he actually decides to retire from unretiring, Favre said he has a host of future plans, which include retiring to a retirement home in Florida within 20 years, then eventually unretiring — only to move back back to Mississippi where he will mull his next retirement and run an unretirement center for legendary former NFL quarterbacks.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!