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News Item

Mel Kiper, Jr. goes into hibernation for the summer

NEW YORK, NY—Following the conclusion of last weekend’s NFL draft, ESPN’s NFL-draft analyst Mel Kiper, Jr. retreated to his cave in upstate New York where he has gone into a deep hibernation that will last through the summer months until the beginning of the college football season. Kiper, who delayed his departure to bitch out Todd McShay for his terrible sixth-round analysis, will survive the harsh, draft-less summer thanks to the large amount of fat he has built-up during the winter months, waking occasionally to eat or to defecate. ESPN officials cautioned that Kiper is not to be awoken in the coming months, as he is quick to anger if startled, and may become violent if provoked.

Labels: ESPN, Mel Kiper, NFL, Todd McShay

Posted on April 30th, 2009

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Other Related News Items

• Kiper, McShay to square off in MMA fight to settle draft beef (April 3, 2008)
• Kiper AWOL from ESPN (April 25, 2007)
• Yankees assign Mark Teixeira to wake up CC Sabathia from hibernation (January 23, 2009)
• Mock draft administrator clearly a virgin (April 26, 2008)

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