After Obama selects North Carolina to win national championship, team goes to Senate for confirmation

WASHINGTON, DC — The North Carolina Tar Heels were selected by president Barack Obama to win the National Championship, and took the first major step toward that goal with an 89-72 win in the NCAA tournament final Monday night against the spartans »”>Michigan State Spartans. Now the team faces the equally arduous step of a Senate confirmation process.

“It’s in the Constitution,” said Senate scholar Roger Kingsbury, of George Mason University. “All nominees of the President must face a Senate confirmation. The Tar Heels are no different. Don’t get me wrong, they can act as National Champs until their hearing, but I wouldn’t be measuring any trophy cases just yet. There’s a lot of objection to their candidacy, let me just leave it at that.”

One of the most forceful objectors, suprisingly, is Democratic Senator Carl Levin (D-Mich.).

“Let’s put it this way,” Levin said. “I have some real questions for Roy Williams, Tyler Hansbrough, and also Wayne Ellington, about their general approach, and specifically what appears to be a complete lack of regard for the welfare and psyche of Detroit, Michigan, a huge city in the President’s overall plans for the future.”

Levin continued: “It doesn’t make any sense. You say you want to represent the nation, and then you go out and destroy the hopes and dreams of all sorts of Michigan residents? What?!? Why don’t you just go and buy a Nissan.”

Obama thinks that he may have enough votes to get it passed.

“Sure, there are some Senators who won’t vote for them, but I know we’ve already got two votes in the bag from our North Carolina delegation, and Roland Burris apparently thinks that the Tar Heels winning is a vote for him, so that makes three,” Obama said. “Look, I want to get them confirmed as much as the next guy; keep in mind that I’ve got $87 coming my way if and when they are the national champs. So I’ve got some skin in the game as well.”

Special thanks to keithmarder for the headline idea.