Milton Bradley speaking solely in Internet meme

CHICAGO, IL—Cubs outfielder Milton Bradley has gotten off to a rocky start with his new club, already earning himself many enemies in the locker room and front office, due to his constant and excessive use of internet meme as a form of real-world communication.

“I just do it for the lulz,” Bradley admitted to SSNN. “I’m one of those hard core guys who executes his lulz IRL.”

Bradley’s behavior has alienated his teammates, who Bradley dismissed as “Fappers and epic n00bs IRL who love goatse.”

“Yeah, I don’t know wtf what the fuck is wrong with that dude,” commented first baseman Derrek Lee. “During a scrimmage last week, Milton stole second base, and when he got up he yelled, ‘All your base are belong to us!’ I had no goddamn clue what he was talking about.”

Cubs management has also found itself unable to deal with the journeyman outfielder’s speaking habits as well, going so far as to demand Bradley speak like a normal human being.

“Lou [Pinella] was like, ‘Milton STFU, ur pissing the shit out of me!’” recalled Bradley. “I was just like, ‘LOL WUT.’”

According to Pinella, when Cubs management informed Bradley that one of the stipulations in his contract including obeying the direct orders of management, Bradley simply shrugged his shoulders and proclaimed, “TL; DR.”

Bradley, known best to baseball fans as the guy named after a century-dead board game designer, has seen a dramatic devolution in his everyday speech, thanks to an unusually long time surfing the internet, which Bradley affectionately refers to as “teh intertubes.” According to friends and family, Bradley has lost virtually all sense of manners and basic human decency, and appears to have dedicated his every waking moment to harassing those who come into contact with him, if for no apparent reason than his own personal gratification. For example, the other day, he spent over an hour trying to convince GM Jim Hendry to “please, please sign Leeroy Jenkins.”

SSNN was on-site to witness Bradley taunt Alfonso Soriano after a strikeout during a spring training game, in which Bradley yelled quite loudly, “EPIC FAIL!!!11One!” and a similarly bizarre reaction to an error made by Kosuke Fukudome, when Bradley screamed, “ALLCAPS! OH NOEZ!!!”

Bradley shows little remorse or concern for his actions, and claims that all members of the Cubs organization who take issue with his conduct should get on “teh waaaambulance, srsly.”

Bradley’s behavior is strikingly similar to that of Patriots wide receiver Randy20Moss, who, when asked about the virtues of teamwork and unselfishness, is known to respond with a vacant look and a declaration of “The cake is a lie.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!