Roger Goodell frantically searching for Ashton Kutcher

NEW YORK — Roger Goodell was spotted late Tuesday anxiously roving the halls of NFL headquarters, screaming “Where the hell is Ashton?!” over and over, after the NFL commissioner revealed that the entire NFL playoffs were rigged by Ashton Kutcher as an episode for his television series Punk’d.

“Yeah, we rigged the playoffs,” Kutcher said. “You don’t honestly think that Arizona was going to get to and almost win the Super Bowl, right? I mean, let’s be serious. This was one of our most obvious plots ever.”

The ruse was organized with the help of a bevy of NFL referees, as well as the Cardinals, Carolina Panthers, New York Giants, Atlanta Falcons, Tennessee Titans, Pittsburgh Steelers, and Philadelphia Eagles.

“It was hard to orchestrate,” Kutcher said. “Anytime you have about 500 people involved in a punk’ing, it is going to get really complicated. But Goodell was surprisingly easy to get one over on. I guess he really wanted something different in this year’s Super Bowl, you know, something other than the best teams. That’s what we do on Punk’d … we find people’s deepest darkest secrets, and we give them life.”

Goodell was furious, but he did agree that it was a great Punk’ing.

“I’ve been expecting to be punk’d forever,” Goodell said. “As famous as I am, you know it’s coming. I thought all that crap with Ed Hochuli earlier this year was the punking. But this is much better. Also, thank God we’ll get to replay the playoffs, and get Arizona out of there.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!