Furious Elin Nordegren divorces Tiger Woods following loss to Tim Clarke

JUPITER, FL — Less than a month after giving birth to the family’s second child, Charlie Axel Woods, a furious Elin Nordegren has announced she’s filing for divorce from her husband, Tiger Woods, following the golfer’s 4 and 2 loss to Tim Clarke in the Accenture Match Play Championship’s second round.

“I came home tonight, late, and I found all of my clothing on the front porch, with a post-it on them that said, ‘Tim Clarke? Really?’” Woods recounted. “I tried to go inside and talk to her about it, but she’d hear none of it.”

Woods said he didn’t blame his knee for his loss, but rather said that he’d just had a difficult day on the links, and that he’d get them the next time. Nordegren wasn’t so sure.

“We’ve got two kids to support now,” she said. “This is not a small family anymore. We need a breadwinner, an earner, a leader. If Tiger can’t play that role, we’re going to have to go in a different direction.”

Nordegren did indicate that she doesn’t feel great about kicking Woods out in this economy. “I mean, things are so tough out there, I really hope he makes it,” she said. “I’m glad he went to Stanford and stuff, so he has something to fall back on. Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there. Stay in school.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!