Dominican baseballer A-Rod responds to charges — “No hablo Ingles.”

NEW YORK — Controversy exploded this weekend when Dominican-American baseballer Alex Rodriguez was accused of using steroids.

Rodriguez, widely considered the greatest player in the game, went into seclusion virtually immediately. However, SSNN was able to reach the player by phone for the following exclusive interview.

SSNN: Hello, may we speak with Alex Rodriguez.

A-Rod: Lo siento, no hablo ingles.

SSNN: Hello, A-Rod, can you confirm the reports that you tested positive for steroids in 2003?

A-Rod: Lo siento, pero solamente puede hablar en espanol. No entiendo lo que estas diciendo.

SSNN: Would you like to make a statement on the record about your alleged steroid usage?

A-Rod: Por favor, en espanol, no puedo hablar el ingles. Soy un jugador Dominicano y por eso solamente puedo hablar el espanol.

SSNN: A-Rod, what about the millions of children who look up to you?

A-Rod: Necesitas lllamarme cuando entiendes el espanol. Yo nunca hable ingles ningun dia en mi vida! Lo siento senor.

Rodriguez, who has been a star in the United States for many years, has recently announced that he’ll appear on behalf of the Dominican Republic in 2007, even though he spent most of his childhood in Miami. He has never before spoken in Spanish and has, in fact, demonstrated tremendous competency in English, prior to this week.

When SSNN had a spanish-speaking reporter call back, Rodriguez answered the phone again, “Hello, Rodriguez residence, you have reached Alex, how may I help you?”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!