American viewers becoming disturbed with growing trend of exciting Super Bowls

TAMPA BAY, FL—Last night’s exciting Super Bowl finish, involving two lead changes in the last three minutes, is part of a growing trend that some in America are calling worrisome: Super Bowls that are actually exciting to watch.

“I’m concerned,” admitted local woman Trish Hamsted. “It used to be that the Super Bowl was a chance to eat food, gather with friends and watch entertaining commercials. Now we’re becoming forced to pay attention to the game itself.”

Last night’s finish was the sixth time in nine Super Bowls in which the game has remained in contention going into the final minute, a far-cry from the game that had once been universally recognized as boring and over-hyped, overshadowed by its halftime shows, and after-parties.

“Let’s be honest here, I don’t watch the game for the actual game,” said construction worker Steve Barterson. “I watch for the commercials, the halftime show, the lead-out show, the real stuff. The game is just becoming more and more of a distraction for us.”

Follow SSNN on Twitter!

“I mean I can’t miss the commercials, ‘cause everyone will be talking about them the next day, and I’ll be forced to watch the game because it’s still tight—when the hell am I supposed to go to the bathroom?” demanded Barterson.

“It’s getting scary, to be honest,” acknowledged IT manager Jim Smithwick. “Last year’s game was bad enough, but now this? I don’t want to live in a world where the Super Bowl is a hard-fought slugfest between two talented teams; that’s not what I grew up with.”

Even some of the game’s scholars are growing pessimistic about the future of America’s favorite game.

“Super Bowl’s XX, XXIV, XXVII, XXXV, and others were all classics,” lamented football historian Greg Malkinson. “Over by halftime, leaving the rest of us free to focus on the food and critique the commercials.”

“It’s sad to say, but it looks like the days of 55-10 blowouts are gone,” sighed Malkinson. “Teams these days are more interested in stealing the spotlight from the hoopla surrounding the game. It’s sad, really, seeing these young punks today thinking that ‘anything is possible’ and attempting to distract us with a competitive game.”

“I remember the first ever Super Bowl—the First AFL-NFL world championship, they called it—and watching the Packers demolish the Chiefs. Oh, sure, every few years, some teams would deviate from the script and keep it close, but six of nine? Unheard of.”

Not even Super Bowl XLI, in which Peyton Manning’s Colts stormed past the hapless Rex Grossman-led Bears, was up to snuff in Malkinson’s estimation:

“A lot of news outlets the next day were calling it a blowout,” said Malkinson. “Twelve points? You call that a blowout? The game was still within reach during the fourth quarter! We’ve fallen far from the days of second-half shutouts, it seems.”

Nevertheless, strangely, many are not only unconcerned with the status of competitive Super Bowl games, some are even calling it a good thing.

“Yeah, I’m thrilled about it. A football game that’s actually worth watching, that sounds fantastic to me,” confessed football “fan” Mark Timmison.

“I dunno, I just never really viewed it as a problem, that’s all,” said Timmison to a stunned SSNN correspondent. “I guess I thought the games were more important than the crap surrounding it; maybe I was wrong.”