Tell-all book reveals McGwire took steroids, had facial hair, played for Cardinals

ST. LOUIS — A tell-all book by controversial slugger Mark McGwire’s estranged brother Jay is being met with interest by the sporting world thanks to the revelation that the book will reinforce obvious truths about the former home run champ, including the reminders that McGwire, for a large portion of his adult life, wore facial hair, played baseball professionally, and used anabolic steroids throughout his career.

“This is Jay’s chance to reveal all the things the public was 99.9% sure of, and add that extra .1%, so there are no mysteries left,” said Jay McGwire’s agent, Ken Houthman. “There might still be people with lingering doubts out there, people who wonder, What team did Mark McGwire play for? Was Mark McGwire left-handed or right-handed? Did Mark McGwire use steroids? This book is for those people.”

The book is rumored to reveal damaging, yet widely-known, truths about the 12-time all-star, including revealing that McGwire was born in 1963, spent a majority of his career with the Oakland A’s, and used steroids and HGH extensively through the latter half of his career.

“He really pulled out all the stops on this one,” commented publisher David Charles. “We have firsthand accounts here about how Mark McGwire is more than six feet tall, has children, and routinely injected himself with steroids. Only someone with intimate knowledge of the man—or someone with an internet connection—could know these things.”

The book has been titled The McGwire Family Secret: The Truth about Steroids, a Slugger and Ultimate Redemption. According to those who have read it, the book lays bare all of the things those with a modicum of baseball knowledge have known for years.

“This book is really for those who only have a passing interest in baseball, or those baseball fans with the intellect of a pile of bricks” commented ESPN baseball analyst Peter Gammons. “For example, on page 63, Jay McGwire clearly lays out the case that his brother’s steroid usage and his 70 home runs in 1998 are linked…well, yeah.”

The book even goes inside the locker rooms McGwire played in, and reveals potentially harmful information about some of McGwire’s teammates as well.

“Jay unambiguously states that Mark’s close friend and teammate Jose Canseco, used steroids throughout his career as well,” noted Houthman. “I mean, I know Canseco admitted that he used steroids years ago and implicated McGwire as using steroids as well, but man, serious stuff here.”

The book will likely be picked up by the same publishing company that brought out Through the Storm, the tell-all book in which Britney Spears’ mother revealed that her daughter was an out-of-control party whore with serious mental problems.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!