Schwartz hoping NFL adds regular season games for shot at loss record

DETROIT, MI — Now that he has been formally introduced as the head coach of the 0-16 Detroit Lions, former Tennessee Titans defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz has begun the process of setting goals for the season.

“I don’t want to just walk in the door and start expecting the world to fall into my lap here, but I think we have a unique opportunity,” Schwartz told SSNN. “With the NFL considering lengthening the regular season schedule, we could actually set the loss record again.”

Recently fired Detroit head-man Rod Marinelli thinks Schwartz is being too ambitious for a guy who just got his first NFL head coaching job. According to him, a 16-loss season presented a lot of challenges that the average coaching candidate might not even think of.

“Look, I respect his competitive fire – certainly when you get your first job, the obvious goal is to do better than your predecessor,” said Marinelli, now a defensive coach with the Chicago Bears. “But you have to realize what it takes to go a whole season without winning a single game. I mean, nevermind the fact that he’s counting on the league to extend the season, just look at the QBs we had last year – Kitna, Culpepper and Orlovsky, plus appearances from two guys named Drew who will NEVER make it in this league.

“They have the first pick in the draft, which they are probably gonna use on a quarterback, and if they get the right guy you can just toss the thought of 17-plus losses out the window. That’s how quickly this sort of dream can vanish, right in front of your eyes.”

But Schwartz won’t let the nay-sayers rain on his parade. For now, he’s focused on lobbying the league to open the door for a record-breaking season.

“We’re just taking this thing one step at a time, and God willing everything will work out,” Schwartz quipped. ” The first step is working on Mr. Goodell to give us the chance to lose 17 or 18 instead of just 16. Just glancing at our roster, I think we can lose a lot of games, but we can’t lose 17 in a 16-game season.

“As far as this first overall pick goes, I’m pretty sure we can screw that up – hell, Millen did it for years; maybe we’ll just draft another wide receiver.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!