Reports from the Kornheiser family indicate that watching a game with Tony Kornheiser on the couch is as or more annoying than watching it with him commentating on TV

WASHINGTON, DC — Reports from the nation’s capital this holiday season indicate that although Monday Night Football is over for the year, commentator Tony Kornheiser is just as annouing as ever while
watching games, according to his family.

“We watched the Ravens game together on Saturday afternoon,” said Kornheiser’s cousin Geoff. “He spent the whole time looking for opportunities to use these previously-canned quips that he had. I am not sure, but I think he had them written down, and he would go to the bathroom and memorize a few and then come out and say them. Strange, right?”

Geoff said that Kornheiser’s on-air persona is definitely not an act.

“We always thought, or hoped I guess, that the stuff he was doing on TV was because he was nervous or acting. Nope. He kept making all these inane statements and saying this crazy stuff. Then, when the Ravens went up 10-7, he declared that the game was “over” and started talking about what Tennessee should do this offseason. It was pretty annoying.”

Kornheiser, reached by SSNN late Sunday, said he’s commited to consistency.

“No matter who I watch a game with — whether it’s the people of America or my wife’s fat cousin — I will try and conduct myself in the exact same fashion. Straightforward, honest, intellectual, and hilarious.”

Geoff says he doesn’t know about the other four goals, but in terms of consistency, he gives Kornheiser high marks.

“He called me Jaws the entire game,” Geoff said. “So eah, he’s pretty consistent.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!