Peyton Manning blows New Year’s Resolution not to get smoked by an inferior team in the playoffs

INDIANAPOLIS–Millions of Americans are swarming gyms, being nicer to their mothers, and quitting smoking this week, as 2009’s new year’s resolutions hit the ground with full force. As the weeks go by, many resolutions will fall by the wayside, like so many treadmills and Iron Gym Total Fitness bars before them.

One of the earliest casualties of this year’s resolution season is that of Peyton Manning, who had resolved to not get smoked in the early rounds of the playoffs by a weaker team.

“It seems like every year I resolve the same thing,” Manning said. “There was that one year where I managed to stick with it through January, but ever since then, it’s year after year of the same shitty resolution keeping.”

Manning said he was really certain that this year could be different.

“I don’t know, I just felt like this was the year I could stick with it,” Manning said. “It is one of those deals though where you never realize how tough it’s going to be until you are there. Basically, I understand now why so few Americans are Super Bowl Champion quarterbacks. It’s hard to keep focused.”

Still, Manning’s family was heartbroken for him.

“Peyton worked so hard to keep his resolution this year,” said his wife, Ashley. “I mean, he really tried hard. But it just didn’t work out for him. This getting-pwned-in-the-playoffs thing is a real addiction for him. He’ll beat it some day, though, I hope.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!