Peter Gammons still talking about baseball right now

GROTON, MA — According to his wife and other sources in his inner circle, ESPN reporter Peter Gammons continues to talk about baseball, even though most of the major free agents have signed and there are several weeks before the start of spring training.

“Most of the time he’s talking about stupid nonsense. Yesterday we talked for three hours about whether Eric Byrnes would end up starting in Arizona’s outfield this season. Well, really he talked for three hours,” Gloria Gammons, Peter’s wife, told SSNN. “Sometimes he asks me questions, like ‘Gloria, do you think Giambi can stay healthy this year?’ And then I’ll just kinda stare at him, and he’ll act like that’s an answer, like ‘Yeah, you’re probably right; at his age, with his track record, it’s gonna be tough to play every day.’ It’s gotten to be a little much.”

Friends of the Gammons’ have noticed Peter’s behavior as well, and say they are losing patience.

“Listen, we understand it’s his job, and we don’t begrudge him that. But just because his job is something that a lot of people think is really cool doesn’t mean he should have to babble about it constantly all year long,” said family friend Jared Mitchell. “My wife Anna and I were over at their place for dinner the other night, and Peter spent the whole meal talking about how the Blue Jays’ pitching staff will look without A.J. Burnett. Like anybody gives a fuck, you know?”

Anna Mitchell, who described herself as a “sort of Red Sox fan,” said she has repeatedly tried to convey to Gammons that his constant baseball talk is unappealing, but has had little success. As a close confidant of Gloria Gammons, she feels bad for her friend and worries what effect Peter’s obsession will have on the marriage.

“I don’t know how she does it, frankly. I mean, it’s one thing to talk baseball at a dinner party, but she told me he actually uses it as pillow talk,” Anna told SSNN. “I’m not supposed to tell anyone about this, but one night Peter told Gloria that she was as beautiful as Big Papi’s home run swing. You know what I said? Ew. Just eeewwwww!”

When reached for comment, Gammons offered a five-minute breakdown of the New Orleans Zephyrs – the Florida Marlins AAA affiliate – but no insight into his personal struggles. For now, though, Gloria is prepared to stick with her man.

“It’s just something I’ve realized I may have to live with,” Mrs. Gammons explained. “Do I feel great about Peter insisting on keeping the new MLB TV station on when we’re making love? No. But I’m afraid if he doesn’t have an outlet for his baseball talk when he’s not on ESPN every day, he could have another aneurysm or something.

“Hey, at least he agreed to mute the TV.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!