Pacman Jones’ off-season workout to consist of “get[ting] my smoke on.”

DALLAS, TX—The disappointing end to the Dallas Cowboys’ season left many of the members of America’s Team™®© with the desire to work hard in the off-season, and come back better prepared next year with a renewed hunger for a championship run. Recently-released Cowboys cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones, however, does not burden himself with such problems, as he revealed to SSNN in an exclusive interview.

“Yeah, basically just get my smoke on, and my drink on, and my fuck on,” Jones commented on what he plans to do in the coming months. “Probably get some shortie and get my poke on as well.”

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“Be hittin’ the clubs, been needing to get my dance on, too,” continued the defensive back. “Jerry [Jones] got me on the leash, now I can do what I want. Crusty old punkass needs to get laid, you know what I’m saying?” Jones asked, apparently rhetorically.

The controversy-swarmed player did not seem to be concerned about his NFL future, nor did he indicate any willingness to change his self-destructive behavior, to say nothing of recognizing any personal problem whatsoever.

“I gots to unwind, man,” when SSNN asked the Pacman if he would be hitting the gym or taking up jogging anytime soon. “I’ve been working my ass off for six months and now I need a little me time. On the real, though, I’m super-cut. I don’t need to work out none.”

Jones, who played only in only six games and recorded only one forced fumble and no interceptions this past year, was also suspended for four games following an incident between himself and a personal bodyguard.

When the topic of conversation turned to his legal troubles, Jones said as long as a “straight-up, non-playa-hatin’” team signs him, the troubles will subside.

“I’ve been dealing with all these playa-hater’s,” Jones insisted. “Jeff Fisher: playa-hater. Jerry Jones: playa-hater. Terrell Owens: surprisingly, a playa-hater. Tony Romo: probably has sex with men. I gots to deal with all this negativity and homo-ness all day, so I need to go to the strip clubs to relax and shit. At the end of the day of dealing with all these fools, I just need to unwind and make it rain, just like everybody.

“As long as people don’t have a problem with the way I get my dress on, or the way I get my pimp-slapping on, or getting my handgun-brandishing on, then we can all focus on how I get my game on,” the troubled star concluded, in what appeared to be his first indication of consciousness of the trouble surrounding him.

Jones concluded the interview by listing, in relative order of importance, the things he intended to “get on” in the coming months before training camp. Among these, getting his shooting on, his thug on, his groove on, his hired killing on, “It” on, his disorderly conduct on, and ranked last, getting his positive-role-model-for-under-privileged-children on.