Myron Rolle’s teammates believe he was drafted by Oxford

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Florida State safety Myron Rolle pleasantly surprised the sporting world today with his announcement that as a result of his being awarded a Rhodes Scholarship, he was going to forgo the 2009 NFL draft and instead go on to study at Oxford University for the 2009-10 academic year and obtain an M.A. in Medical Anthropology and enter the draft in 2010.

While Rolle’s accomplishments as both a superb athlete and a world-class scholar might come as an unexpected note of refreshing news from the world of sports, it was quickly replaced with the rather predictable routine of athletes showcasing their ignorance on non-athletic matters for the world at large to mock.

“I didn’t know there was a team in Oxford,” commented halfback Antone Smith. “Guess they must be an expansion team.”

“I don’t even know what state Oxford is even in, man,” confessed wide receiver Corey Surrency. “It must be up north, somewhere cold.”

When informed that Oxford was in fact in a foreign country, many of Rolle’s teammates jumped to the conclusion that Rolle had signed with NFL Europe, which had in fact folded in 2007.

“Really, NFL Europe?” quarterback Drew Weatherford said. “I don’t get it, Rolle was a really good player; why on earth would he want to go to Europe?”

“Oh, so that explains it,” reasoned Greg Carr. “They must have their draft before the regular one, that makes sense. That’s why he already knows for sure what team he’s going to play for.”

FSU football head coach Bobby Bowden was equally as unaware of the meaning or significance of the award when he told SSNN that, “Coach Rhodes is a superb individual who will push Myron to be the best athlete and person that he can possibly be. I know Oxford is struggling right now, but a tremendous athlete like Myron will help that program out immensely.”

In fairness to the athletes of FSU, it should be pointed out that none of the other 80+ Rhodes Scholars were able to name the number of touchdowns Tim Tebow threw for this past season, nor could they name a single team currently remaining in the NFL playoffs.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!