Local man not really interested in trading places with Donovan McNabb

PHILADELPHIA, PA — As the Philadelphia Eagles were sewing up their victory over the New York Giants, Simon Humphries noted that it must be nice to be Donovan McNabb.

“I was just sitting there with Rocco and I said something like, ‘God, it would be fun to be in his shoes,’ or ‘Man, it would be nice to trade places with him.’ It was something like that,” Humphries said. “But then it got me thinking about it, and I thought about it for like 18 hours in a row.”

And, late the next morning, Humphries was ready to declare that indeed he was not interested in trading places with McNabb, no matter what the circumstances.

“I just thought about it, and I was thinking, his life must suck,” Humphries said. “I mean, he’s got a lot of money, sure. But he always looks miserable on TV. He gets booed all the time. And he basically just sort of strikes me as a mondo douchebag, you know?”

Humphries said that his life, overall, is pretty good.

“I make a decent wage,” he said. “I take home about $60 grand a year. My wife is still pretty hot, even after two kids. I get to play golf on the weekends. I mean, I haven’t won a Super Bowl or anything, but guess who else that applies to? Yeahup, that’s right.”

Humphries said that he is admiring of McNabb for the way he handles all of the challenges he faces.

“I think he does a great job with the hand he was dealt,” Humphries said. “It can’t be easy for him. You wake up, and basically your life consists of waiting to get booed and/or disappoint large numbers of people. And then, even when you do something right, like bitching the Super Bowl champs out of the playoffs, you have to ruin it by doing something stupid like that phone incident. Because hey, at the end of the day when the sun goes down, you are still Donovan McNabb.”

McNabb could not be reached for comment, but Humphries said there was one more thing that really clinched it for him.

“I could never be hated by Terrell Owens,” Humphries said. “My whole life I have wanted to be liked by TO. So being hated by him would be a deal-breaker for me. Now Tony Romo — there’s a dude I’d trade places with in a heartbeat. But McNabb? Pass.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!