Local man has to recalculate entire draft plan upon hearing of Kent’s retirement

TRENTON, N.J. — The world of Jason Ruffalo was thrown into upheaval this week when mustachioed L.A. Dodger second sacker Jeff Kent announced his retirement from baseball. “I had Jeff Kent slated for the 2nd round, 18th pick overall,” Ruffalo said. “So not only do I need to refigure out the whole damn thing, but I also need to find another second baseman who can get me 35 homers and 133 rbi. Any suggestions?” Ruffalo said he’s had Kent on his team, starting at second base, for every season since 1995, and that Kent has been a mainstay of his franchise, which has won one championship in the last 14 years but routinely finishes in the top 5. “Generally I come in about fourth through seventh,” Ruffalo said. “There’s been a couple top fives in there, and there was that one year when I won it all, when Jeff Kent was also the MVP. Damn, he’s just a great fantasy player. I hope he reconsiders his retirement and comes back and puts up some more numbers for me.” Although Kent is adamant about his retirement, Ruffalo indicated to SSNN that he’s likely going to take a flier on Kent “just in case he changes his mind.” “You never really know in baseball,” Ruffalo continued. “Some team may be halfway through the year, and may need about 16 homers, 10 stolen bases, and 80 rbis out of their second baseman for the rest of the season. Well, guys who can do that don’t really grow on trees. So I’m going to draft Jeff Kent now, and then hope that he keeps his cell phone on.”