Local fantasy league commish draws first pick in the draft for fourth year in a row

BLOOMINGTON, MI — Even though snow still covers the frozen Michigan tundra, the first sign of spring has appeared for the members of the Bloomington Fantasy Baseball Association.

The BFBA conducted its annual pre-draft drawing for positions, and wouldn’t you know it, commissioner Jason Higgins drew his own name for the first pick. This is the fourth year in a row and sixth of the last seven in which Higgins has the first pick (in 2005 Higgins’ brother Devon got the first pick, and Jason was second.)

“What can I say, I’m lucky I guess,” Higgins said. “Amazing odds, but when I go alone into my room and spend those two hours every year drawing the names from the hat, you never know what’s going to happen.”

“It’s sort of amazing that he thinks we don’t realize that he’s cheating,” said league member Bobby Heathman. “I mean, none of us really care that much to make a big deal out of it, but the odds of him picking first every year for the last four are one in 10,000. It’s not probable.”

According to other players in the league, Higgins’ desire to win is so great that he’s resorted to other, unusual methods of ensuring his victory.

“Well, there was the whole thing a couple of years ago, where nobody knew how to properly spell Tim Lincecum’s name, so Higgins declared that he got [Lincecum], waiver order be damned,” Heathman said. “That was kind of bullshit. There was also a big deal a couple of years ago when he decided that he’d change the categories midseason, and he added net-saves and net-steals as supplemental categories, which, coincidentally, he was the best in. Lots of stuff like that.”

Many of the players in the league have threatened to quit over Higgins’ antics, but they are so reliant on him putting together the league on an annual basis that they let it go.

“A lot of guys get pissed every year, but I see him getting the first pick every season as sort of a commission for all the work he does,” Heathman said. “I’m more pissed every year when he and his brother make a 14-player trade right before the trading deadline. But that’s just me.”

Higgins recoiled at the accusations of malfeasance.

“The drawing was fair, man,” Higgins said. “I even got a damn webcam so that I could do it properly and let people watch me. Of course, I didn’t have time to set it up before I did the drawing, but I assure you, it was conducted fairly.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!