Kurt Warner regularly thanks God for Matt Leinart sucking

TAMPA, FL — As a successful man of faith, Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner has often found himself giving thanks to his creator for the many good things that have come his way.

These days Warner often finds his thoughts turning to his backup – former USC Trojan star Matt Leinart – when he is on his knees in prayer.

“I thank God for every bounty he has bestowed upon me,” said Warner. “Certainly Matt going out there and sucking has been as much a boon for me as anything that’s happened in the last few years.”

Warner, who is only the second quarterback to lead two teams to the Super Bowl, was actually the backup to Leinart as recently as August of 2008, but was named the starter just before the Cardinals’ first regular season game.

“I’ve been thanking God for how much Matt stinks since he got here,” Warner went on. “There were also a couple times I thanked God for making him such a pussy that he can never play through injury. I hope Matt understands that it has nothing to do with how I feel about him as a person, it’s just a matter of being diligent in my thanks to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

“If today I forget to thank Him for Matt being a crappy quarterback, maybe tomorrow I forget to thank him for giving me a rocket arm and rugged good looks. Then it can just snowball, and maybe God decides I don’t deserve all this good tidings. I just can’t risk that.”

Arizona head coach Ken Whisenhunt told SSNN he has mixed feelings about Warner, who is ostensibly serving as Leinart’s mentor, thanking God for his backup’s struggles, but made it clear that his priority now is winning the Super Bowl.

“I’ll tell you something – whatever Kurt is talking to God about, it’s working for us right now,” Whisenhunt said. “Do I love the idea of our team leader praying for the demise of his supposed successor? Of course not. But you know what I do love? Winning the Super Bowl – anything Kurt has to do to get himself ready is fine with me, provided he’s ready to go come kickoff this Sunday.

“Seriously, what do I care if he has imaginary conversations with God about Leinart sucking? I have real conversations with management about Leinart sucking all the time.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!