Kaká considering name change for English-speaking fans

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND — As he ponders a move to a Manchester City squad that has reportedly offered him a salary of £500,000 (or approximately $750,000) per week, Brazilian soccer superstar Kaká is also pondering another change – his name.

“When I spoke with the Manchester City people, I was told that in English my name is sometimes translated as ‘poop,’” the 2007 FIFA World Player of the Year explained through an interpreter. “Even if I am not moving to England, I think it may be wise to choose a different nickname so that my many English-speaking fans will not be embarrassed to cheer for me.”

Kaká says he was completely unaware of his nickname’s English slang usage until last week, when he first spoke to Manchester City front office members about their offer.

“We kinda blew it, to be honest – I mean, we figured he knew that kaka meant shit in English and just didn’t care,” said a high-ranking team official who spoke with SSNN on condition of anonymity. “It came up off-handedly, I think when one of our advertising guys tried to explain that we might want to come up with a new nickname for kids poster day. Thank God he wasn’t insulted.”

Kaká said he has not put much thought into a new moniker, and that his only real priority is to “keep it clean,” and “have it really represent me.” He intends to compile a list of possibilities, which he will bring to Manchester City representatives to help him choose.

“Even if I stay with AC Milan, I have a lot of fans who speak English, so the last thing I want is for them to be thinking about poop whenever they say my name. Just off the top of my head, I was thinking maybe ‘Dudu’ or ‘Wiwi,’ but I really haven’t settled on anything yet,” said the footballer, whose given name is Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite. “Kaká was based on the ‘ca’ in Ricardo, so I figured using the ‘ri’ or the ‘do’ as a basis would be a good idea; although I could really use any part of my name.

“Maybe Zecs would be better… Yeah, I’ll write that one down.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!