Jacksonville Jaguars blogger can’t figure out uncharacteristically low traffic from Tuesday

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Area man Charles Marrow, head writer for “JagsLand,” a blog devoted to the Jacksonville Jaguars, was perplexed today by the unusually low number of visits to his blog Tuesday of this week. Marrow, who normally claims between 150 to 250 blog hits a day, had only 31 visitors to his site Tuesday, and scarcely a dozen since noon. Marrow, a 32-year-old self-employed IT manager and self-proclaimed “football nut” who admits he “doesn’t get out much, ‘cause of [his] work and stuff” has been left in the dark as to why his popular football blog—currently the number seven Jaguars blog in the greater Jacksonville area—suddenly ceased attracting visitors on Tuesday..

“I can’t figure this out,” a bewildered Marrow told SSNN. “It’s the lead-up to the Super Bowl and we can’t catch flies right now. We had about 271 individual hits yesterday and now nothing. I put up two new stories, one explaining how David Garrard is probably the most underrated quarterback in the history of the NFL, and another postulating how much better the Pittsburgh Steelers would be if they had Fred Taylor as their running back. Two very fine pieces, I might add, and nothing!”

Marrow then proceeded to go over the site traffic with SSNN:

“We did ok in the morning, numbers about right for that time slot, but then around noon we just flatlined and we haven’t recovered. I don’t get it. What the hell happened at noon?”

After a cursory check of his servers, and verifying the website was still active from a third party computer, Marrow was quickly able to confirm that the site itself was up and running.

“I mean everything is working just fine,” observed Marrow. “There’s nothing wrong with the site itself, which means I’ve either been blacklisted by the Jaguars blogging community (unlikely, I’m afraid. That piece about how I’d much rather have Byron Leftwich than David Garrard leading my all-time Jaguars team might have been controversial, but I backed up my arguments expertly) or—a power outage! Yes, that must be it!”

Convinced at this point that the answer to his problems lay in the realm of mechanical failure in the state of Florida, Marrow began checking the local news, which made almost no mention of the state of Florida or the Jacksonville Jaguars, and seemed to focus exclusively on the inauguration of now-president Barack Obama.

“Ugh, enough with the Obama!” a clearly disgusted Marrow groaned. “Day and night they can’t shut up about him. We get it; a black man was elected president! That was months ago! Now can we move on to more important things?”

When the news failed to make any mention of power outages or anything else that feasibly could explain why people were no longer visiting his site, Marrow decided to call up some friends to see if their internet connections were unavailable. After three successive phone calls that lasted less than 60 seconds each—with each respondent hurriedly answering that their internet was fine and that they were busy watching TV—a depressed Marrow was forced to conclude that mechanical failure was not the answer, and that, by process of elimination, no one was interested in his blog anymore. Disheartened, but not defeated, Marrow vowed to learn from his mistakes, and would throw all of his energy into re-tooling and updating the website, and if need be, shutting it down and focusing his creative output on his new NBA-focused blog, currently in its infancy, “Abracadabra: Inside the Orlando Magic.”

“This is just like real sports, man,” commented the rather un-athletic-looking Marrow. “One day you’re on top of the world, and the next you’re at the bottom of the heap. You just gotta fight back. And that’s what I’m gonna do.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!