Giants surprisingly unsympathetic to lower-seed teams

NEW YORK, NY—In a rather puzzling and unexpected turn of events, the members of the New York Giants, most only one year removed from their improbable victory over the previously-unbeaten Patriots in Super Bowl XLII, revealed today that not only will they not be rooting for underdog Arizona, they consider it insulting to the game that such a low-seeded team even made it this far.

“The Cardinals? Please. Get fucking serious,” commented Giants QB Eli Manning. “I think I speak for everyone when I say that they have no place in the Super Bowl.”

“The Super Bowl is for one—and once in a blue moon—two-seeds, only. None of this four seed bullshit,” said running back Brandon Jacobs, who apparently had forgotten the Giants status as a five seed a year previous.

“Higher-seeded teams shouldn’t really even have to bother with the playoffs ‘till the Super Bowl. In fact, they should do it like they used to do baseball in the old days: two best records from each conference get automatic trips to the Big Show,” continued Jacobs.

Despite improving on their record this year and earning the number one seed in the NFC, the Giants suffered an embarrassing opening-round playoff loss to the six-seeded Eagles. The event was reminiscent of their previous playoff run, when the G-men beat four separate higher-seeded teams on their way to a Super Bowl championship.

“I mean, come on, do we really need to waste our time with the Philadelphia Eagles? We’re a number one seed, so why should we bother pretending to be concerned about them. They should know their place as a lower-seed. They show up and take a beating like grown men,” said an angry Tom Coughlin.

When SSNN attempted to remind some of the Giants players that the Giants finished 10-6 in 2007 and advanced to the Super Bowl, wide receiver Steve Smith became very defensive.

“There’s a very fine line here. Ten wins, you’re in. Nine? Nine wins? What kind of horseshit is that? Nine wins and they let you into the playoffs? I don’t care20where you come from, nine wins is for pussies.”

“Let’s face facts here: the NFL playoffs are now as fucked up as the BCS. Actually, wait, they don’t have a playoff there and you get—I had this figured out a minute ago. Can we come back to this later?” a rather confused Derrick Ward said.

“I keep hearing all this talk about how the Cardinals are the Team of Destiny—fuck that. *We* were the team of destiny—somebody had to wipe that smirk off New England’s face—but the Arizona Cardinals are a bunch of punk-bitches who just like to go around spoiling everyone’s fun,” stated return specialist Domenik Hixon.

“I personally feel the playoffs are unnecessary and diminish a team’s regular-season accomplishments,” observed defensive end Justin Tuck. “To have all of that hard work taken away by some team who’s only there ‘cause the welfare queens of the NFL thought they’d add a ‘wild card.’ It’s hurtful to the league.”

None of the Giants seemed to be terribly enthusiastic about the AFC-champion Pittsburgh Steelers either.

“A second-seed isn’t bad, but did anyone stop to ask how the Tennessee Titans feel?” asked punter Jeff Feagles. “They’re stuck at home ‘cause some other team ‘wanted it more.’ Well the Titans wanted it more when they won 13 games. I think if you have a better record then you automatically want it more. So there.”

Many Giants told SSNN that they wouldn’t be watching the championship game on February 1st.

“Sorry, but I’ve been permanently turned off to the playoffs,” admitted linebacker Antonio Pierce. “The knowledge that ‘anything can happen’ and the possibility that a clearly inferior team might come out on top thanks to one or two freak plays, well, I don’t buy into that.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!