George W. Bush no longer feeling guilty about managing his fantasy baseball team for 8-10 hours a day

CRAWFORD, TX — Four days removed from his eight-year term as President of the United States of America, a seemingly happy-go-lucky George W. Bush is feeling a lot better about himself.

“I’ll tell you, there were just a lot of things I was feeling bad about down the stretch there,” the former President told SSNN. “There was the approval rating, all the troops dying in the war… just lots of things. But what was really getting to me was guilt. Guilt that I should have been spending less than eight or nine hours each day managing my fantasy baseball team and a little more time on national issues.”

While many fantasy baseball players are able to maintain their teams on their computers at work, Bush’s duties as president rarely put him in front of the internet. Instead, he was forced to pop out of meetings in order to set his roster.

“I guess I just never really got out of GM mode after working for the Rangers,” Bush said. “If I was going to manage a team, I was going to do it the right way – and that means working it like a full-time job. Dick [Cheney, Bush's Vice President] used to always say, ‘Dammit, Georgie, it’s the offseason! Why do you have to spend so much time dicking around with your fantasy team.’

“What he failed to realize is that the offseason is the most important time in a big money contract league – that’s when you make your deals. That’s how you set your team up for success. I wasn’t about to roll over in my league just because I was the leader of the free world. Still, I did feel awfully guilty about missing some of those terrorism intelligence briefings.”

But since landing back at the Crawford, Texas ranch where he spent so much of his time in office, Bush says he has “experienced the lifting of a great big monkey of guilt” off of his back.

“All of a sudden it’s like, ‘What do I have to do today?’ and the answer is nothing,” Bush said. “It’s fucking awesome, for real. So if I want to spend the whole day making trade offers for Mark Teixeira, that’s totally cool.

“And if I want to take a forty-minute break to watch some interracial lesbian porn, so much the better. I’m my own man now.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!