CC Sabathia “so freakin’ pumped” for Springsteen halftime show

TAMPA BAY, FL—Like much of America, Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia is looking forward to tomorrow’s Super Bowl. Unlike the overwhelming majority of his countrymen, however, Sabathia will not be tuning in to watch the match-up of the explosive offense of the Arizona Cardinals against the vaunted defense of the Pittsburgh Steelers, or even for the famous Super Bowl commercials. Sabathia, as he revealed to SSNN, will be watching the entirety of the Super Bowl broadcast solely for the halftime performance of rock legend Bruce Springsteen.

“I’m not gonna miss one second of game time, just in case John Madden drops a trivia nugget about His Holiness,” a rather excitable Sabathia told SSNN. “They might show clips of an interview during pre-game or they might show a glimpse of his face just before halftime. SPRINGSTEEN, w00t!!!”

When asked for his views on the game itself, the former Cy Young winner was rather cavalier:

“Screw the Super Bowl, I wanna watch the Boss rock this bitch,” snapped Sabathia. “I mean, ten years from now no one’s gonna remember what the score was, or who played. They’re just gonna remember how Bruce rocked out so hard Florida broke off from the rest of the United States. Again.“

“I’m so fucking pumped right now, bro,” a giddy Sabathia gushed. “It’s been two fucking long weeks. Forty-fucking-eight hours to go, man. How can I make time go any faster?! I know, some Kung Pao chicken—no, Sabathia, damn it, remember, you’re on day 299 without Chinese food, don’t break down now. Remember, ‘No Surrender,’ that’s right.”

Sabathia then proceeded to gush about the awesomeness and godliness of the multiple-Grammy-winner, claiming Springsteen’s music had radically transformed him, both as a pitcher and a human being, and even credited Springsteen’s album Darkness on the Edge of Town with helping him overcome his addiction to chicken pot pie.

“I shudder to remember the man I once was, in those long ago days in the summer of 2008,” an emotional Sabathia reflected. “I was a lost, pitiful shadow of a man. Now, I have purpose.”

At press, Sabathia has ingested a large amount of amphetamines and has seated himself in front of his high-def plasma screen TV waiting for Bruce Springsteen coverage to begin in earnest.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!