Boston man spends two-thirds of date talking about John Smoltz

BOSTON, MA — After a blind date turned into an educational seminar on baseball, Jamie Jones told SSNN there is a “better chance of Tommy [O'Brien, her date] sleeping with Denis Leary,” than ever taking her out again.

“At least Denis Leary is a Red Sox fan,” Jones pointed out. “And for the record, I know that from his stand-up routine, not because I have ever watched or read or listened to anything about the team, or any baseball team for that matter. The closest I’ve ever come to watching the Red Sox is the movie Fever Pitch.”

But Jones says that despite being told this repeatedly, O’Brien spent “at least two-thirds of the entire date talking about some John Shmoles [sic].”

“I’m a lady, for fuck’s sake, I don’t care about baseball,” said Jones, clearly still upset over her wasted evening. “I just moved here from Georgia, and I was thinking I’d learn about the city of Boston, not some new pitcher. But Tommy just kept saying it was a human interest story, not just a baseball story.

“Well I sure as he’ll wasn’t interested. Let me give all the boys out there a little hint - when it comes to baseball, no does NOT mean yes!”

For his part, O’Brien says he simply thought a newcomer to the big city would be interested in such an important part of Boston’s culture.

“I think after she has lived here for a while, she’ll come to realize that she should have listened to me about John Smoltz,” O’Brien insisted. “If she’s gonna hold her own in a Boston bar, she’s gonna have to learn a thing or two about the Sox. Plus, that guy’s career is far from over. Seriously, you’re gonna see some impressive stuff out of Smoltz this year, you mark my words. And next year, too. Probably even the year after that.”

Amidst other effusive praise for Smoltz, O’Brien mentioned that he “wouldn’t want another date with someone who can’t listen to me talk about the Red Sox anyway.” But Jones says that’s not the impression he gave her after their Saturday out.

“He must have forgotten to mention that when he was on his knees in my lobby begging me to see him again,” Jones told SSNN. “You know the saddest part? I was actually on the verge of saying OK before he said he could try to arrange a meeting with Shmoles if it would help his chances. It’s like, ‘don’t you get it, man?’

“I’ll tell you one thing: never again will I go out with a guy who has ’sox_fan’ anywhere in his eHarmony handle.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!