After dropping from Senate contention, Kennedy wants New York job where you get paid $20 million a year to do nothing

NEW YORK CITY, NY — When presumptive frontrunner Caroline Kennedy withdrew her name from consideration for the New York senate seat vacated by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, many people assumed there was another shoe yet to drop – and so there is, as Kennedy today said she hopes to take New York Knick Stephon Marbury’s job when the disgruntled guard moves on.

“I thought about the senate thing for a while, and in a lot of ways I still would like to do that some day,” Kennedy told SSNN. “But with my uncle [Ted Kennedy] suffering that seizure the other day, and all the hard work that the government is going to have to do to get out of our current financial predicament, not to mention the war…

“Well, I just feel like I’m at a point in my life where a job that pays me over $20 million a year to do virtually nothing suits me far better than a senate seat. I figure once the Knicks finally buy out Stephon’s contract, they’ll be looking for someone else to fill that role.”

Marbury, who has yet to dress for the Knicks this season despite a salary that pays him $20,800,000, described himself as “ambivalent” towards whether or not the team chooses to find someone else to fill his role.

“On one hand I just want to get my money and get the fuck out of here,” Starbury said. “On the other hand, I feel like I’ve done something nobody else has managed – I mean, I was an All-Star in this league and now I’m such a pariah that my team won’t even let me put the uniform on. I’m not sure how I feel about somebody else just stepping into my shoes.”

But despite her potential predecessor’s mixed feelings, Kennedy has her sights set on the position and doesn’t plan to back off.

“I just got to thinking – what does Steph do for the Knicks that I can’t do?” said Kennedy, who appears very excited at the prospect of joining her favorite basketball team. “He complains about the coaching – easy; he occasionally pulls some wacko stunt where he shows up in the first row with a couple honeys and mouths off to the camera – no problem.

“Outside of that he’s basically just a relatively short guy who divides the locker room, and what could be more divisive in a locker room than a woman? I’ll bet I can get those guys sniping at each other better than Marbury ever did.”

Special thanks to Tim Rank for the headline idea.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!