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Archives

Jeff Garcia to miss today’s game with sore ankle, limp wrist

TAMPA BAY, FL -- Buccaneers quarterback Jeff Garcia is out today with a sore ankle and a limp wrist, and will miss today's showdown with the Atlanta Falcons. "Yes, I can [continue reading...]

Posted on September 14th, 2008

Owens doesn’t want to talk about McNabb all the time; only 95 percent

IRVING, TX -- Terrell Owens informed local media today that he doesn't want to talk about Donovan McNabb and the Philadelphia Eagles all of the time leading up to the [continue reading...]

Posted on September 14th, 2008

Palin skips interview prep to play Big Buck Hunter

WASILLA, AK -- Sarah Palin's embarrassing moment with Charles Gibson in last week's interview could have been avoided, people close to the campaign have said. "We had a full-day session planned [continue reading...]

Posted on September 14th, 2008

NBA to PETA: “Tell me how my ass tastes”

NEW YORK -- Just a year after NBA's on-again off-again synthetic ball fiasco, the league has again come face to face with PETA over it's insistence on using leather balls [continue reading...]

Posted on September 14th, 2008

Matt Cassel prays science experiment ends world before Sunday

FOXBORO, MA—Newly-minted Patriots starting QB Matt Cassel has begun to pray that the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) experiment in Geneva, Switzerland induces a cataclysmic reaction and ending all life on [continue reading...]

Posted on September 11th, 2008

Lance Armstrong goes for bike ride in France, ends up unretired

PARIS, FRANCE—A pleasant bikeride through the Parisian countryside quickly became awkward for Lance Armstrong, when rumors began to spread that the famous cyclist was returning to professional competition. “I thought [continue reading...]

Posted on September 11th, 2008

LPGA rewrites English-only rules

SOMEWHERE -- The Ladies Professional Golf Association has rewritten some key program rules recently, following some language problems among the athletes. Originally, LPGA Tour commish Carolyn Bivens approved [continue reading...]

Posted on September 10th, 2008

LANCE ARMSTRONG ASSUMED THE TOUR DE FRANCE WAS CANCELED IN HIS ABSENCE

AUSTIN, TX—Lance Armstrong, seven-time Tour de France winner and noted cancer activist, has decided to un-retire and reenter the world of professional cycling in the hopes that his doing so [continue reading...]

Posted on September 10th, 2008

Tom Brady’s rehab plan is basically to bang a bunch of supermodels

FOXBORO, MA -- Monday was a grim day for the fans of the New England Patriots. In what has become know and the "second shot heard 'round the world" the [continue reading...]

Posted on September 10th, 2008

Boston sports fans gear up for hockey season

BOSTON, MA -- Just two days after beloved New England Patriots QB Tom Brady went down with a season ending torn ACL, Boston fans have already started looking to the [continue reading...]

Posted on September 10th, 2008

Co-worker won’t shut up about picking Michael Turner in the 10th round

HERSHEY, PA -- Lavar Dickerson has enraged his fellow co-workers with his non-stop bragging about how he stole Atlanta Falcons RB Michael "The Burner" Turner in the 10th round of [continue reading...]

Posted on September 9th, 2008

Man decides to give fantasy hockey “a try”

BENNINGTON, NY—Area man Steve Placer, known locally for his expertise in fantasy football and baseball, has, at the request of a close friend, decided to give fantasy hockey a try. [continue reading...]

Posted on September 9th, 2008

Irate Bostonian attacks roommate over Brady injury

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Lifelong Boston resident and die-hard Patriots fan Patrick O'Callaghan erupted in a fit of fury Sunday afternoon, after watching beloved Pats quarterback Tom Brady go down with [continue reading...]

Posted on September 9th, 2008

Serena Williams takes title at U.S. Open; rips apart adult grizzly bear

NEW YORK, NY - Serena Williams can add a series of accomplishments to her name upon the conclusion of this year's U.S. Women's Tennis Open. Not only did the [continue reading...]

Posted on September 8th, 2008

Vince Young demands immediate and sincere apology from every Tennessee Titans fan in the universe before he goes back on the field

NASHVILLE, TN -- A hurt Vince Young has demanded an official apology from every one of the Tennessee Titans 873,434 fans before he will ever take the field again, a [continue reading...]

Posted on September 8th, 2008

White Sox star Carlos Quentin injured while being treated for injury

CHICAGO, IL – Only days after the Chicago White Sox suffered a potentially fatal blow to their season at the hands of the poor decision-making skills of star Carlos Quentin, [continue reading...]

Posted on September 8th, 2008

Chinese gymnasts looking forward to high school

BEIJING -- In the wake of controversy surrounding the age of the Olympic Chinese gymnasts, SSNN exclusively overhead two members of the gold medal team, He Kexin, and Deng Linlin [continue reading...]

Posted on September 8th, 2008

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