Youkilis storms out of spinning class at local gym in protest over lack of Hannukah music

BOSTON, MA — Volatile Red Sox infielder Kevin Youkilis stormed out of a spinning class today after just 37 minutes in a vicious protest over what he felt was an anti-Semitic playlist.

The trouble started shortly after Youkilis, who is Jewish, arrived at a Gold’s Gym on Lansdowne Street in Boston for what he hoped would be a nice and intense workout in the hours leading up to the first night of Hannukah.

“I got to spin class and the teacher announced that it was going to be a holiday-themed playlist,” Youkilis said. “So I thought to myself, ‘This should be interesting.’ I quickly looked around the room and calculated that approximately three of the 24 people in the room were Jewish, so I decided that I would need to see at least one of eight songs be a Hannukah song.”

The first half of class went without incident; the teacher played six songs, none of which were Hannukah-themed. Most of the selections were intense workout mixes of Christmas classics, such as Walking in a Winter Wonderland and Joy to the World.

“When the seventh song came on,” Youkilis said, “I was already getting a little bit pissed. It was Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, though, which I love, so I calmed down a bit. But like I said earlier, I was ready to roll if the eighth song wasn’t a Hannukah song.”

The eighth song, it turns out, was anything but, and as the melodies of Hark the Herald Angels Sing exploded over the speaker system, Youkilis erupted.

“I just immediately got off the bike and walked out of the room, orderly,” Youkilis said. “I felt like conveying my message in a decent and civil fashion.”

However, according to onlookers, Youk’s account is far from the truth.

“He freaking went ballistic,” said Jenna Martinez, 22, who regularly attends the Sunday 4:30 pm spin. “He went over to Joanie, the teacher, and started screaming at her about how she was an anti-Semite, and calling her Hitler and stuff like that. It was really pretty twisted. Just this big giant Jewish dude going bananas, an hour before Hannukah starts.”

Youkilis immediately reported to the management of the Gold’s Gym that he had been given an “uncalled for and personally-focused insult” and that he’d be ending his membership immediately, and requesting a full refund of all moneys paid thus far.

“Look, I’m probably the most famous Jewish athlete in the world,” Youkilis said. “She knew I was Jewish. She knew exactly what she was doing. It’s like she looked me in the eye, and took all of my Hannukah candles, and used them to burn a picture of Moses. That’s what she did, and I won’t stand for it.”

For her part, Joanie, the class’s instructor, was saddened by the events.

“I’m just bummed out that he didn’t stay for the end,” Joanie said. “I put together a Hannukah-medley for the final 15-minute climb, including the Dreidel song, Rock of Ages, and the extended version of that Adam Sandler Hannukah song where he actually tells people to smoke marijuana. You know, not that watered-down TV crap.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!