Yankees make a play for another big-named pitcher

BRONX, N.Y. — Following the historic signing of pitcher C.C. Sabathia, the New York Yankees are in talks with another big name, announcing Thursday that they are going to pursue pitcher Cy Young.

“Yes, we can confirm that we want Cy Young to come play for the Yankees,” said principal owner Hank Steinbrenner. “He would shore up our rotation. Then we would certainly be back in first place, and then the world can be restored to order…finally.”

Young, who has been dead for many years, but has 511 wins to his name, seems to be the perfect sort of “mature player” that the Yankees love contracting. However, it’s going to be a bit of a struggle to attain this huge name because Young is under contract with the Heavens Hurlers of the Upstairs Baseball League, and to obtain the righty, he’d have to pay the Hurlers’ ownership $20 million and his soul.

“You know when it comes down to it, its not that bad,” said third baseman Alex Rodriguez in reference to the price Young would have to pay. “My contract is similar, except instead of having to pay $20 million, they give me about $28 million, and I don’t have a soul, because I sold my soul in Texas. Wait, you didn’t think Scott Boras was that good, did you?”

Young has already waived his “no-resurrection clause,” in hopes that he’ll be able to work out a long-term deal with his new team. However, even if the Yankees can work out the details on Young’s contract, a major concern would be his conditioning as Young hasn’t pitched on earth since 1911. Joe Girardi the manager of the Yankees said “We’re just going to take it one day at a time, and see how it goes. I mean, for God’s sake, we just signed CC Sabathia, so it’s not like we’re hiring for Gold’s Gym over here.”

Special thanks to Aaron Siegel for the story.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!