Texans-Jaguars game was actually played Monday, contrary to reports

HOUSTON, TX — SSNN has learned that the Monday Night Football contest between the Houston Texans and Jacksonville Jaguars actually did take place last night and was not cancelled as had been previously determined. The game, according to unsubstantiated reports, was allegedly played to a 30-17 final score, with the Texans emerging victorious. According to an anonymous source, the game was televised on ESPN, though the footage reviewed by SSNN is too grainy to make a final determination.

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“It was a great game,” said a man named Gary Kubiak, who claims to have been in attendance. “I like to attend Texans games. I mean, they pay me, but it’s still fun.”

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell indicated that he was “surprised and embarrassed” to learn that the game had been played.

“I honestly thought that it had been cancelled,” Goodell said. “I didn’t even think to turn on my TV and look for it. In fact, I spent most of the evening thinking how nice it was to finally have a Monday night without any football.”

Goodell said he’s thinking about invoking the rarely-used “Commissioner Ignorance Clause” and cancelling the results of the game entirely.

“It’s one of those deals where you can cancel the results if you didn’t know about it,” Goodell said. “It’s sort of based on that age-old question — if two NFL teams play in Houston and nobody gives a shit, does it make a sound?”