Tebow wins Wilson award for third year in a row

HOLLYWOOD, CA — While the Heisman winner won’t be announced until Saturday, Tim Tebow added yet another prestigious piece of hardware to his mantle.

Tebow was announced Friday as the winner of the 2008 Luke Wilson award for the college athlete with the squarest face or head. It is the third consecutive year Tebow has won the award, and he was thrilled.

“I am so honored to be recognized as the winner of the Wilson award,” Tebow said. “Even sharing a stage with these square-faced and square-headed athletes is an honor, but to win again is almost too much to comprehend.”

The award is open to collegiate athletes from all sports, men and women. In recent years it has been dominated by the LSU women’s basketball team (obviously).

“Tim Tebow has a once-in-a-generation head,” said John Davis, Chairman on the Wilson Award Foundation. “Just like with academics and with football, his commitment to having a square head is amazing and should be treasured by us all.”

Davis explained.

“See, it’s common to find a square face, you know, the large jaw, the chin you could break a walnut with,” he said. “Those are a dime a dozen. But to find someone who has gone as far as Tim Tebow has, to have a head that is almost a perfect cube — well, that is remarkable.

“Most square-faced people, there head looks like you just took a globe and lopped off Africa,” Davis said. “But Tim’s cube-like head is amazing. Let’s just say that if Galileo had seen it he might not have spent so many years in the slammer, you dig?”

Florida coach Urban Meyer said Tebow’s winning of the Wilson award is the culmination of a lifelong struggle to do what’s right in the face of nearly insurmountable odds.

“You wake up every day for the first fifteen years of your life and have kids call you names,” Meyer said. “He was called ‘Timmy Squareface’ all through the second grade. For goodness sakes, his prom date only knew him as ‘Square-head McGregor,’ not Tim Tebow. But did he pout? No. Did he whine? No. Did he simply slap on his abnormally square football helmet and buckle the safety belt that he has to use for a chin strap and just go out there and ram that giant block on his shoulders into every defender in the land? Yes, he did.”

Tebow also won the Maxwell Award Friday, but was obviously more concerned with his Wilson. Tebow said he is thinking about returning for his Senior year at Florida to see if he can make it four Wilsons in a row.

“I feel like I really bring something unique to the world of square-headed athletics,” Tebow said. “I’d like to continue bestowing these gifts to America, if that’s cool.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!