Shanahan goes to NFL.com for first time ever Sunday night; discovers Broncos almost made playoffs

DENVER, CO — Upon returning to his house in the suburbs of Denver after a crushing defeated at the hands of the San Diego Chargers, Mike Shanahan couldn’t sleep, so he was surfing the Internet.

It was then that he discovered an exciting new website, www.NFL.com.

“It’s amazing,” Shanahan reported to SSNN. “Did you know that the NFL has a web page that is all about what’s going on in football right now? It’s really incredible. They have news articles, statistics, and stories. It’s amazing.”

Shanahan said some of the stuff on there would totally surprise you.

“Did you know, for example, that we, the Denver Broncos, almost made the playoffs this season?” he said. “I mean, if we would have won last night, we’d have gone to the playoffs. I honestly had no idea about that until I discovered this new website. If I had known some information like that, I really probably could have used it in the game.”

Shanahan said there were many other valuable pieces of information on the site that could have been useful prior to Sunday’s game.

“For example, apparently San Diego has an excellent quarterback named Phillip Rivers, who is having a wonderful season,” Shanahan said. “I had no idea, but I was looking on this amazing site NFL.com, and they have all sorts of stats there. Just think as to what an advantage this would be in preparation for a game of football.”

Shanahan has indicated to SSNN that it’s his belief that he’s the only NFL coach to know about this site, and that he’s going to do everything he can to keep it a secret.

“I know what it’s like to go out there without this amazing resource at my disposal,” Shanahan said. “So why would I help another team get an advantage in a game? It makes no sense whatsoever. Next year, the Denver Broncos will use NFL.com to dominate the league! Suckaz!”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!