Playboy Playmate named guest offensive coordinator for Philadelphia Eagles

PHILADELPHIA, PA – In a surprise move Friday, Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid named Kendra Wilkinson, fiancée of Eagles wide receiver Hank Baskett and star of TV’s The Girls Next Door, the team’s offensive coordinator for Sunday’s game against the Washington Redskins.

“Wilkinson has shown she can really maximize the talent we have on our roster, in particular on offense,” Reid stated at a press conference from the IHOP near Lincoln Financial Field. “She came in to the locker room this week and really opened up some eyes with her attitude and the unique depth to her game.”

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Ms. Wilkinson, 23, was her flag football team’s starting quarterback for two years at Clairemont High School in central San Diego, CA. Football is also in her blood, as her mother Patti is a former Eagles cheerleader.

“Yea, I remember her. We used to call her ‘Peachy Patti.’ She was a tomcat alright, just an OUT-STANDING addition to the cheerleading squad. Boy, I tell ya, she really boosted our team’s confidence,” recalled former Eagles quarterback Ron Jaworski, now an analyst for ESPN.

The Playboy Bunny and soon-to-be Mrs. Baskett has been looking for opportunities to put aside her reputation as a ditzy blonde, and she seemed confident Friday that directing the Eagles’ offense would be a great way to do exactly that.

“I’m totally tired of everyone thinking I’m like this mondo idiot with no brain power,” Wilkinson said. “I mean, I can name all 12 former presidents, AND the capitals of at least 37 of the 48 states. Like, doesn’t that count for something in America?” asked Ms. Wilkinson.

The skeptical Philadelphia media asked Ms. Wilkinson via conference call what exactly her strategy is going to be for Sunday’s crucial contest against the Eagles’ division rival.

“Um, I’ll definitely let Donovan throw the Chunky soup out of the ball!” responded Ms. Wilkinson with a laugh, after a three minute pause. “That way, there is a good chance my Hanky will catch at least one of those passes.”

Ms. Wilkinson also mentioned that she will indeed focus on getting her fiancée “more touches,” something with which he has had much trouble, “both on the field and in the bedroom.”

“It’s about time Hanky stepped up and be’d a man,” she said. “I mean, he’s super tall, like seven feet or something … hmm, after thinking here I think I’ll just have Donovan throw him some of those crazy high passes by the sideline.”

When asked if she’d meant a “fade,” Ms. Wilkinson chastised a reporter for being off topic and “talking about haircuts and stuff.”

Meanwhile, Reid’s hasty decision to anoint Ms. Wilkinson chief playcaller for Sunday’s matchup resonated throughout the locker room, threatening to divide the team as it moves forward.

“I don’t know who the hell she thinks she is,” exclaimed Pro Bowl cornerback Asante Samuel, “but this ain’t some pajama party in the Playboy Mansion. This is The National Football League, ya heard?”

Others echoed Samuel’s surprise at Reid’s decision.

“I’m more shocked right now than when I found out Hank actually nailed that chick in the first place,” added middle linebacker Stewart Bradley. “I feel like Andy has a good hunch about her, but it doesn’t seem like she knows very much about NFL offenses. Maybe she’d be better suited, you know, being Governor of Alaska or something.”

Ms. Wilkinson ended her conference call with a strong promise to all Eagles fans.

“I vow to make sure all these boys have prepared really cool dance routines for when they score points or do something good. And when Hanky gets into the land of the touchdowns, he had better celebrate by getting down on one knee and proposing to me with his balls!”