“Plaxico” facing serious decline as a baby name

NEW YORK, NY — An exclusive SSNN report has revealed that the popularity of “Plaxico” as a baby name is plummeting due to the recent shooting incident and other controversies surrounding Plaxico Burress.

“We are saddened to report that the prevalence of Plaxico as a baby name is plummeting due to the nefarious behavior of Mr. Burress,” said Jenna Thompson, a New York-based baby naming historian. “We have seen a precipitous drop in the number of babies that are named ‘Plaxico’ in 2008, and we’re afraid that recent events may end the name entirely.”

According to Thompson, in 2007, four babies in America were named Plaxico, which was an all-time high. These year the number has plummeted to two, and she fears that next year will be even worse.

“Plaxico is a name in crisis right now,” Thompson said. “We are really in danger that there will, in 50 or 60 years, be a world without Plaxicos. Unbelievable, right? It’s almost one of those deals where you don’t want to think about what it would look like, I know.”

According to Thompson, the name Plaxico has been a worldly treasure ever since Plaxico Burress was named 31 years ago.

“Sometimes two people come together and choose something so magical that you can’t believe that it had never occurred before,” Thompson said. “That was the case when Plaxico was created. I don’t know the story of why, or how, I just know that it’s beautiful and that it’s almost gone.”

It is not unusual for names to decline in popularity following major events associated with a certain name, Thompson said.

“It happens all the time,” she said. “Nobody names their kids Katrina anymore, ever since Hurricane Katrina, for example. You don’t hear of many people naming their kids Pacman Jones, either. And it’s been years since I’ve met anyone named Mike Tyson, you know what I mean?”

Plaxico Burress was named after his uncle, SSNN has learned. According to Thompson, the world really needs one of its newest Plaxicos to do something great.

“The future of all people named Plaxico is in serious peril,” Thompson said. “Mr. Burress has jeopardized a wonderful legacy, and we need immediate action. We must have a Plaxico grow up to be a Senator or a doctor or a famous cellist, something that will inspire generations upon generations young Americans name their children ‘Plaxico.’ The time is now.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!