Plaxico attempts “shot therapy” to get back into lineup

NEW YORK, NY — Plaxico Burress announced he’s going to undergo a series of “shot therapy” treatments in hopes of getting himself back into the lineup for the New York Giants sooner rather than later.

“I heard something about shot therapy on the radio,” Burress said. “So I decided to give it a shot. I gave myself my first shot treatment on Friday night. Hurt like hell.”

Burress said he fired a gun directly into his leg, per the instructions he had previously received from a friend of his.

“I did just as he said,” Burress told SSNN. “I applied the shot directly to my injured hamstring. But it’s not helping. I feel like maybe I got some bad advice.”

Burress said that he’s going to continue with the treatments despite his skepticism.

“I am going to go ahead and give myself the last three shots,” Burress said. “I am not sure how it’s going to work out. There is a chance that I will blow my hamstring off entirely, but I guess that would be good, because at least it will stop hurting.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!