Man spends entire afternoon figuring out how Andre Johnson can score 37.4 points in fantasy

LITTLETON, CO — Frank Spaggs had a lot of stuff to do this afternoon, but it’s all going to have to wait for tomorrow.

That is because Spaggs spent his entire afternoon at Dempster Accounting Partners concocting ways in which Andre Johnson could score the 37.4 points Spaggs needs to get into the playoffs.

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“If DreJay puts up 37.4 points tonight against Jacksonville, I win and make the playoffs,” Spaggs said. “So obviously I am hopeful.”

Spaggs created several scenarios.

“Probably best case is where DreJay goes for about 200 yards and three scores,” said Spaggs, who admits he regrets voting against the preseason proposal to add points-per-reception to the league’s scoring. “Another nice scenario is 100 yards rushing and a touchdown, as well as 100 yards receiving and two scores.”

Spaggs said he’s not ruling anything out and even consulted his commissioner in advance based on a certain play that he thinks is more than likely to occur.

“You know that play where Steve Young threw a ball up and it was tipped by the lineman, and he caught it and advanced it?” Spaggs said. “Well, I anticipate that there’s a better than average chance that the Texans will run a double-reverse pass from the 8-yard line, and it could get tipped, and Andre could catch it and go 92 yards for the score. So I called the commish to make sure that I’d get the credit for the passing part of that as well. That 7.68 points could make all the difference.”

Spaggs seems cautiously optimistic about his chances.

“I’m pretty sure I’ll win,” Spaggs said. “I mean, if you’re going to have one dude in fantasy that you need to have a 37.8-point game with your season on the line, you want it to be Andre Johnson, right?”

At press time, Spaggs still had not realized that his opponent was starting Sage Rosenfels at quarterback.