Kornheiser spends most Sunday nights sleeping in a Dumpster

HOUSTON, TX — A Burger King employee was startled this morning to find ESPN Monday Night Football announcer Tony Kornheiser fastasleep in the bottom of the trash receptacle.

“I’m a big Monday Night Football fan, so obviously I recognized him,”said David Donovan, 24, who opens the store and works the register. “I was a little bit surprised to see him there. I felt bad.”

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Kornheiser acted like it was “no big deal,” according to Donovan.

“I go, ‘Jesus Christ, Mr. Kornheiser, is everything okay?’” Donovan said. “He goes, ‘Yeah, everything’s cool, except some asshole just woke me up at 6:30 in the morning for no reason.”

Apparently, according to Donovan, Kornheiser chooses to sleep in a Dumpster every week prior to appearing on Monday Night Football. Kornheiser confirmed that this is true.

“Haven’t you ever watched Monday Night Football, you ignoramus?”Kornheiser asked a bewildered SSNN reporter. “Haven’t you seen how I look? It’s this superstition that I have. The night before every broadcast, I sleep in a dumpster, and then I wake up in the morning, go to work, and they give me a $1500 suit to wear. But, just to mess with them, I don’t take a shower or anything.

“Kornheiser’s boothmates Mike Tirico and Ron Jaworski confirmed that Kornheiser indeed does spend every Sunday night in a Dumpster.

“I keep finding eggshells and orange peels on my pants after sitting next to him,” Jaworski said. “I’ve mentioned to him a few times that he doesn’t smell good, but he always just insults me for being less smart than him, and then picks a piece of food out of his beard.”

Kornheiser says he doesn’t know when the tradition started.”It’s kind of a chicken-and-egg sort of thing,” Kornheiser said. “One day I woke up in a Dumpster and I had a great broadcast. So I kept sleeping in the Dumpster after that. I feel very natural there, almost at home.”