First unanimous vote elects steroids to Hall

COOPERSTOWN, NY — The Baseball Hall of Fame opened in 1939 with the induction of Babe Ruth and 12 other living legends of baseball. In the 68 years since its doors first opened, not one entity was voted in on every ballot; until now. With the first unanimous vote in the history of the Hall, steroids were chosen as a member of the 2007 class. Though the decision is considered controversial among media members, the voters see steroids as having had an undeniably profound effect on the course of baseball history. “There’s simply no question that the game would be completely different were it not for the influence of steroids,” a voter speaking on condition of anonymity told SSNN. “Roger Maris would still hold the home run record, good pitchers would have ERA’s lower than 4.00, and the popularity of MLB would probably still be hurting from the strike in 1994. I can’t even imagine what the sport would be like without steroids.” In a related story, Ron Santo missed out on Cooperstown yet again when the Veterans Committee decided that a decade of productive play despite a debilitating illness is simply not as impressive as juicing up to swat dingers.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!