Cutler misses crucial practice when stuck in line buying fleece throws at Old Navy (for only $3!)

DENVER, CO — Broncos starting quarterback Jay Cutler took a personal day Tuesday, blowing off a crucial practice so he could shop at Old Navy.

“I was on my Twitter this morning and everyone was tweeting about these $3 fleece blanket/throw-type thingies that they were selling at Old Navy,” Cutler said. “I was like, ‘Holy crap, three bucks for a blanket!?’ I realized right then I could basically buy one as a stocking stuffer for everyone in the family.”

Cutler said he planned on just running in to Old Navy for a second, even leaving his flashers on as he double-parked his car by the front door.

“Then I got in there and I saw that there were about 872 people in there buying up these throws,” Cutler said. “So I just got in line, like everyone else. Before I knew it, I had missed practice entirely.”

The throws are basic fleece blankets, but they are on sale for today only for just $3, after going for $10 all month.

“That’s seventy percent savings,” Cutler told SSNN. “You don’t have to have gone to Vanderbilt to understand the value of 70 percent off. I happen to have gone to Vandy, but still.”

According to reports, Broncos coach Mike Shanahan was infuriated at Cutler’s lack of responsibility, and had a heated exchange with the young quarterback over the phone. Witnesses state that everything calmed down when Cutler promised to give Shanahan a pair of the throws, one in a blue and one in an orange, representative of the Broncos’ colors.

“I wish he’d have chosen a better time to go,” Shanahan said. “But it’s Christmas, and crazy stuff happens at Christmas. And I heard about those blankets, too, and I wanted them so freakin’ bad I could taste it.”

One player who was bemused at the spectacle was San Diego Chargers QB Phillip Rivers, who will line up against Cutler and the Broncos on Sunday night with a playoff spot on the line.

“I would never do something that irresponsible,” Rivers said. “Never. I am 100 percent committed to my team. But, then again, there’s an at least 50 percent chance that two weeks from now, Jay Cutler will be starting a game in the playoffs, and I’ll be sitting at home and watching it on TV, covered in a fleece blanket from Old Navy that I had to pay the full 10 bucks for. So maybe he’s not so stupid after all.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!