Beckham looking forward to front row seat for better soccer

MILAN, ITALY — Major soccer news — to the extent that such a thing exists — broke over the weekend when much-ballyhooed midfielder David Beckham (currently of the Los Angeles Galaxy) was introduced as a temporary member of Italian Serie A squad AC Milan.

“I can’t tell you what a pleasure it is to be here after my experience so far in Los Angeles,” said Beckham, who has spent a significant portion of his MLS career on the injured list. “I’m incredibly excited for the chance to sit right up front and watch soccer played at the highest level again.”

The general consensus among soccer fans and media is a successful stint watching actual professional soccer from the bench will make Beckham a more attractive candidate to watch new coach Fabio Capello’s England squad from a similar vantage point during the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.

“I’m not saying that if I look good watching Serie A soccer than I’m a lock to make the World Cup team; not at all,” Beckham said. “But my hope is that I can just show people — not just Fabio, but critics and doubters everywhere — that my time in America hasn’t hurt my ability to sit on the bench and check out a great game of soccer. After all, if I can sit through 90 minutes of that garbage, watching actual pros should be a cinch, right?

Whether the long time English star sees much playing time has yet to be determined. According to sources in the AC Milan front office, the team is not sure whether Beckham will be at full health; and even if he is, many people are worried that a couple years away from legitimate pro soccer will have degraded his skills.

“We’re very excited to have Mr. Beckham here, and we expect it to draw a lot of attention to our club,” Milan coach Carlo Ancelotti told SSNN. “Whether he gets on the field is another question, of course. First we’ve got to get him healthy, which is easier said than done with Becks, and then we’ve got to get him used to playing against decent competition again.”

For Beckham’s part, he’s says he’s just excited to be “back in the big leagues,” even if it is only for a three-month loan.

“When you’ve played in the Premiership and La Liga, and been a World Cup captain, it can just get very frustrating watching shitty soccer, you know?” Beckham explained to SSNN. “It’s just going to be really nice to see teams actually possessing the ball and putting together strings of accurate passes. I’m pretty sick of watching a big guy just boot the ball and a couple of sprinters run after it.

“Plus, if I get nostalgic for that sort of thing, I can go watch my kids play at the park. Romeo and Cruz, anyway — Brooklyn’s a little better than that now.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!