A-Rod to play for Israel in World Baseball Classic?

MIAMI, FL — After weeks of rumors incorrectly asserting that Alex Rodriguez would play for the Dominican Republic in the upcoming World Baseball Classic, SSNN has learned that actually the nation of Israel is making a late push for Rodriguez to join their team.

“It only makes sense that Alex would play for us, given his love of Kabbalah and Madonna,” said Schlomo Schwartz, who is the recruiting coordinator for the Israeli team. “If there are three things we love in Israel, it’s Kabbalah, Madonna, and A-Rod. We’d love to have him play for us.”

Kabbalah is the form of Jewish mysticism that has been popularized by American celebrities like Madonna. A-Rod, whose relationship with Madonna has been selling tabloids around the nation for several months.

A-Rod has given no indication that he’s thinking about playing for Israel, but he has stated that he’d like to play with the team that is closest to his heart at some point.

“We can only assume that the team that is closest to his heart is the Israeli team,” Schwartz said. “Look at it practically. I’m not even sure he speaks Spanish, so it makes no sense to play for the Dominican, and nobody likes him in America, which means he shouldn’t play for the U.S. So Israel is the perfect choice.”

Rodriguez acknowledged that the aforementioned was true, and is going to give some serious thought to wearing the blue and white this spring.

“Oy, it would be so great if A-Rod would come play for us,” Schwartz said. “He lives half the time in Manhattan and the other half of the time in Miami. He loves Kabbalah. He is very wealthy. He is the perfect player for our team.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!