2008 Year in Review, #18: Favre apologizes for behavior, shares Packers playbook with everyone

NEW YORK NY—A disgraced Brett Favre confessed to reporters on Monday that he had indeed tipped off the Lions about the Packers playbook schemes before his former team faced Detroit later that day. Even though Favre’s insider knowledge did not help the Lions, who still fell to the Pack 48-25, the sports world did not take Favre’s actions lightly and regarded it as nothing short of turning Benedict Arnold on his former team.

“I realize that keeping secrets is the hallmark of a bitter, greedy individual. I apologize for that. My behavior was extraordinarily out of place. To rectify the situation, I will share my knowledge of the Packers playbook and game plans with everyone.”

“Like my mother always said, ‘Secrets, secrets, are no fun, unless you share with everyone.”

Favre proceeded to talk at length for several hours about the offense he had run for 16 years in Green Bay.

“A play that has seen many variations over the years is one we called the 43-34 x-fly,” Favre explained. “The quarterback fakes a pitch to his left and then rolls out to his right where he hits the wideout over the middle.

“One thing that never changed—and I’ve never told anyone this—if there’s a number with two evens being called out, for example, 44, it means I’ll be faking it to my right. If it’s followed by two odd numbers, 35, I would fake right and pitch it left. It’s a scheme that’s been used since I first started in Green Bay and I imagine young Aaron [Rodgers] uses it too.

“This feels great,” a visibly relaxed Favre told the assembled press corps. “Huge weight off my chest.”

To ensure that no one would be left out of the loop, the three-time MVP invited not only members of the press, but league insiders, including coaches and players, as well as regular fans.

“No one is getting kept out of the loop anymore,” a beaming Favre said. “Everyone will know now how the Packers run their show.”

“One of coach[McCarthy]’s favorites, I know, is the 48-right split V. He usually opts for it on a 3rd and five or so, to catch the defense off guard. The Right Guard cuts out to his left and pulls inside the Left Tackle, hitting the D-End out of position, I give straight-away to the fullback who follows the halfback through the gap. Boom! First down! Works every time!” roared the nine-time Pro Bowler.

“Oh, and speaking of coach,” continued the 39-year-old gunslinger, “He totally can’t handle blitz packages. Can’t figure them out to save his life. Just keep pressuring the quarterback and he’ll melt like jelly. Won’t call for a single passing play for four or five series. It was really annoying, actually.”

Those assembled at Favre’s conference were impressed by the signal-caller’s amazing memory and play recall, able to describe in great detail general patterns and consistencies that had been used in Green Bay since Favre’s arrival in 1992.

“A few things changed when Mike Sherman left,” Favre remembered, “but I strongly petitioned to keep the fundamentals unchanged so as not to alter team chemistry. Well, I’m proud to say that my efforts paid off.”

“Favre really does have the mind of a quarterback,” a visibly impressed Titans head coach Jeff Fisher told SSNN, who coincidentally plays Favre’s former team in two weeks. Fisher also brought along several assistants with cameras and tape recorders to “preserve the exploration of a true footballer’s mind.”

“I’d gladly hire Brett as an assistant coach or scout for my team,” Fisher said. However, when asked if he would consider Favre as a quarterback, Fisher scoffed. “I’ve already got Kerry Collins and Chris Simms,” he said. “I’ve got no need for Favre.”

Favre also proceeded to go into intimate detail with regards to several teammates’ warm-up routines, and how, in a purely hypothetical situation, these pre-game rituals could be thrown horribly awry.

“Charlie [Charles Woodson] listens to Madonna CDs obsessively before every game. If those CDs were to go missing, I imagine that he might get thrown off his game,” the seven-time all-pro surmised.

“Chad [Clifton] has this really weird thing where he does everything in threes on game day; he puts everything on and takes it off three times, he listens to his game song three times, he head butts everyone three times. I suppose if he were delayed getting to the stadium he would have trouble completing his routine and that might hurt his confidence,” the future Hall-of-Famer mused.

All-in-all, those assembled agreed, Favre’s brutal honesty about his tenure in Green Bay has certainly restored his dignity to a very large degree.

When asked if he would be willing to reveal the Jets playbook as well as part of his new-found lease on honesty, Favre wittingly replied, “Fuck you,” before admitting that he “totally would, but I don’t know it well enough myself.”