2008 Top 20, #12: Local economic development professional boldly predicts 40-homer softball season

WENTZVILLE, MO — Local economic development professional Jonathan Daulton, 30, is very excited about his forthcoming softball season, according to neighbors.

“I was just standing, waiting for the bus the other morning, and all of a sudden Jonathan comes bounding out of his house, talking a mile a minute,” said Martin Weinstein, 29, a local patent attorney. “I guess he had some preparatory meeting for his softball season, and they told him that the fences were only going to be 240 feet or something like that. So he immediately declares that he’s going to ‘hit at least 40 jacks this summer.’ I was like, ‘Dude, it’s 7:13 in the morning. I haven’t even had my coffee.’”

Daulton was invited by a work colleague to join the municipal softball league, where his team – representing the town’s government – will play against teams from local businesses, the fire department, and the county board of appeals.

“Yeah, I said it,” Daulton said, when reached for comment about his brash projection. “And, no, I don’t regret saying it. The way I figure it, we play 20 games, right? I’ll probably make 15 of those games, due to travel and whatnot. Given three at-bats per game, that’s 45 at bats. With 240-foot fences, I’ll definitely have at least 20 bombs. Definitely.”

When pressed about his comments, Daulton did not hesitate. “240 feet is nothing, man!” he said. “I mean, it’s not nothing, but it’s not exactly like 280 feet or 300 feet. I could EASILY hit a ball 240 feet. In high school—shit, in high school, I used to hit 240-foot fly balls all the time. So now that I’m about 70 pounds heavier than I was back then, and a good 12 years older, you don’t think that I’m going to have a little bit more pop?”

Daulton indicated that he actually has not played baseball since his high school days, and that he hasn’t played softball – or any other organized sport – since a turn on his collegiate intramural team in 1999, where he hit “at least 15 taters a season,” with fences that were 200 feet from the plate.

“I just think that this league is going to be ridiculously easy, you know what I’m saying? I mean, if you are going to put the fences 240 feet away from the plate, you might as well just chalk up a dong for me in my first two at-bats,” Daulton said. “Those are no-doubters. The third time up, I might just lace an RBI double or something; after all, my legs will be tired from all that running.”

The season starts next Thursday; though Daulton apologetically conceded that he’ll be starting his homer barrage the week after, because he has “a huge zoning meeting on the 30^th.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!