Vinny del Negro basically plagiarizing Obama’s victory speech at halftime of every game

CHICAGO, IL — The Chicago Bulls may be off to a mediocre 3-3 start, but not for lack of effort by new head coach Vinny del Negro, who is doing everything he can to inspire his team on to better play, including blatant plagiarizing of Barack Obama’s victory speech, which del Negro has been busting out at halftime of every game since Tuesday’s election.

“it’s really weird,” said guard Derrick Rose, only five games into his NBA career. “All through rookie camp they kept telling me, ‘The NBA is different, it’s a long season, you can’t play every game like it’s your last,’ that sort of thing. But coach doesn’t quite seem to understand that, I don’t think, because he tries to give the greatest speech in human history at halftime of every game. It’s really weird, like I said.”

It was halftime in Wednesday’s game against the Cleveland Cavaliers, with the Bulls trailing 57-45 and being thrashed by Lebron James, when del Negro addressed his team at halftime.

“America, we have come so far,” del Negro told his team. “We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves - if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

“This is our chance to answer that call,” del Negro continued, as a bewildered Tyrus Thomas looked on. “This is our moment. This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we cant, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes We Can.”

The speech failed miserably, as the Bulls went on to lose 107-93 against the Cavaliers, looking hapless and completely outmanned by one player on their way to defeat. However, del Negro was undeterred, and on Sunday, when the Bulls jumped out to a 48-34 lead, del Negro knew he had to really get to his team.

“And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world - our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand,” del Negro said. “To those who would tear this world down - we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security - we support you. And to all those who have wondered if Americas beacon still burns as bright - tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

“For that is the true genius of America - that America can change,” he continued. “Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.”

The entire Bulls team just sat and looked at each other at the conclusion of the speech.

“It was the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen,” Rose said. “The speech didn’t even make much sense in the context of us playing an NBA basketball game. It had nothing to do with pick-and-rolls or matchup zones. It just made no sense at all. Either way, we decided to bitch the Suns for the rest of the game, but still, it was weird.”

Not all of the players had Some of the Bulls took a lot of excitement out of the speech, however. Sudan-born small forward Luol Deng found it quite inspiring.

“You’re sitting there going through a normal NBA game, and it’s sort of lah-dee-freakin’-dah, nothing’s happening, and you’re just sort of moving along with your life,” Deng said. “Then all of a sudden, you hear the story of the inspirational 106-year-old Ann Nixon Cooper, and you just want to go out and work some people over, you know what I mean?”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!