Tim Duncan writes-in Ron Paul

SAN ANTONIO, TX–All across the country today, millions of Americans will be exercising their right to elect their next president, a tradition carried on unbroken every four years since 1789. In the lead-up to Election Day, many celebrities and other public figures have been busy endorsing their candidate of choice, and urging people across the country to get out and vote. One of these celebrities was San Antonio Spurs power forward/center Tim Duncan, who had been very active in registering San Antonio residents to vote for their next commander-in-chief, as well as taking time to give stump speeches on the state of the country. Duncan had declined to specify who he was endorsing for the Top Job, saying that he didn’t want to appear partisan and greedy.

Unsurprisingly, when Duncan reported his local polling station early Tuesday morning, a cache of reporters followed in tow. The media asked Duncan who exactly he was casting his ballot for, and much to their surprise, Duncan pulled back the curtain on his political views.

”I proudly wrote-in Congressman Ron Paul, the man I believe is the last, best hope of the Republic,” said a stoic Duncan. ”Ron Paul is the only choice of liberty-loving Americans.”

Despite low polling numbers and immediate dismissal by the mainstream media, Congressman Paul (R-TX) was able to build up a rabid internet fan base and large donation numbers during his campaign, in which he stressed a significantly reduced government and a non-interventionist foreign policy, among other radical reforms to government.

”The Revolution is growing,” announced Duncan to the assembled reporters. ”Americans have been too long abused by the military-industrial complex and are starting to fight back.”

Naturally, the media was rather curious as to why Duncan had chosen Paul, a candidate who had never had a viable shot at winning.

‘’Ron Paul stands for integrity, financial responsibility, domestic tranquillity and adherence to the Constitution,’’ recited the four-time NBA champion. ‘’He will put America back on the gold standard, restoring value to our now worthless currency and will keep the government out of our lives by abolishing the IRS and the Patriot Act, among many other things.’’

When reporters began to mock the all-star’s decision, pointing out that Paul had dropped out of the race long ago and Duncan was essentially throwing away his vote, the two-time MVP became rather agitated, saying:

‘’You think this is a joke? You fools have been blindsided by the corporate-controlled media into thinking that we only have two choices for president—two men running from the same party, the Corporate Party! I’m not throwing away my vote, I’m taking a stand for liberty! You’re all pawns, all of you!’’

When no one in the stunned media corps was able to muster an adequate response Duncan continued has ravings:

‘’It’s time for the American people to take off the blinders and realized that the Illuminati and the NWO are going to end American sovereignty! America is a socialist nation on the verge of bankruptcy! You will wake up tomorrow and everything you hold dear will be gone! It’s not too late! Elect Ron Paul!’’

The reporters were now completely disarmed by Duncan’s passionate defense of Ron Paul and no one made any attempt to deter Duncan.

‘’RON PAUL REVOLUTION! GIVE US BACK OUR CONSTITUTION!’’ Roared Duncan as he grabbed a nearby flag and began waving it furiously. ‘’REVERSE AMERICA’S FALL—VOTE RON PAUL!!’’ Duncan continued to recite dozens of political catchphrases for the better part of two hours before leaving and taking his march to the streets, where it has slowly gained momentum over the course of the day, mostly from people in Spurs regalia, apparently eager to be close to Tim Duncan, and, of course, to love liberty.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!