Special to SSNN: Letter to the Editor from God regarding Kurt Warner-love

This is a special letter received by SSNN via tablet this morning.

Dear Readers of SSNN:

God here.

Just want to let you know that I indeed was responsible for the victory of the Arizona Cardinals over the San Francisco 49ers.

You know that play right at the end, where Frank Gore, who is one of the toughest guys in the entire league to bring down, seemingly fell on his face without being touched? Yeah, you guessed it. It was good ole God, making the tackle. I didn’t get credit for it in the scorebook, but you all know it was me.

See, I will routinely intervene in the outcomes of regular season and playoff NFL games, often in favor of the players and teams that I like and in direct opposition to the players and teams that I do not like.

So invariable, some of you will ask what Frank Gore ever did to me. Why do I hate Frank Gore, you’ll want to know. How can I be so cold?

Well, here is your answer: First off, Arizona went for McCain-Palin in the election. California went for you-know-who. Now, if you have any doubt about who God voted for, I urge you to check out the results of Monday Night’s NFL game to get a major clue.

But even beyond that, about Frank Gore. I used to like Frank Gore. I used to love Frank Gore, actually. For those that know me well, you know I’m a huge Miami Hurricanes fan. I love all those dudes — Gore, McGahee, Ray Lewis, Sean Taylor (who is sitting right here next to me as I write this letter), Kellen Winslow. And so Frank the Tank was obviously one of my guys.

That is, until he had the audacity to play against Kurt Warner, whom I love, because he loves me.

So now I hate Frank Gore. QED.

Later and love,

God

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!