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News Item

Siragusa’s neck found in New Jersey strip club

PLEASANT HILLS, N.J. — After years of searching, a report has emerged today that Tony Siragusa’s neck has been located in the Diamond Jaxxx strip club in this suburban New Jersey town. “I’ve been looking for that neck for about 13 years now,” said Siragusa, the Fox NFL sideline reporter and erstwhile Sopranos star. Siragusa indicated that he’s not sure when he lost his neck. “It’s one of those deals, where one day you wake up, and you’re a bit hungover, and maybe there’s a married woman in your bed or maybe not, and maybe you haven’t showered in three or four days, and you sort of stumble over to the mirror and you look at yourself and you’re like, ‘Shit, I can’t find my damn neck.’ But you have no clue where it is. Well, that was me.”

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Siragusa’s Fox colleagues had mixed views on the found neck. “I’d never use my neck again if I left it in a strip club,” said Terry Bradshaw. However, Jimmy Johnson was not so quick to judge. “I’ve had a lot nastier stuff holding my head up than some neck that spent a dozen year in a strip club, I’ll tell you that much right now.”

Special thanks to @kimsnotebook for the headline idea.

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