Ocho Cinco says willingness to be deactivated shows he’s a team player

CINCINNATI, OH — On the day when his commitment to football and the Bengals might have been called into the most question, Chad Ocho Cinco was adamant that he’d actually proven that he’s a true team player.

“Check it out,” said Ocho Cinco, who was known until recently as Chad Johnson. “A team player ill never be a distraction to the team, right? So when they told me they were going to deactivate me because I had been such an asshole and walked out of that team meeting and everything else, I said, ‘Okay, I don’t want to be a distraction,’ and I went to the airport and flew back home. See? I’m a team player.”

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Ocho Cinco said if he would have stayed after being deactivated, one of two things would have happened.

“Either I would have been a huge distraction to the team,” Johnson said, “Or Carson Palmer would have just kept throwing me the ball, even though I as in street clothes and out of bounds, because I am so awesome at receiving and football. In either situation, it’s not good.”

Ocho Cinco said he went back to Cincinnati, and, being the devoted team player that he is, didn’t even watch his team’s game.

“Didn’t watch a second,” Johnson said. “Didn’t want anyone to see me watching it in my house and hear about it and call the team in Pittsburgh and tell them that I was watching and have them feel all the pressure and expectations. See? Team player.”