Following tie, Andy Reid seen making out with sister

PHILADELPHIA, PA — The City of Brotherly Love took a disturbing and literal turn today, when Eagles Head Coach Andy Reid was spotted making out with his sister on Broad St.

“I was like, who’s that big guy mackin’ on that chick, just freakin’ gettin’ down, and when he turned around, I was like, ‘Shit, it’s Andy Reid,” said lifelong Eagles fan Louie Tamarelli. “Then I got a better look at the chick and damn if it wasn’t Sandy Reid, Andy’s sister. And they were going at it hardcore man! It was all open mouth, tongue everywhere. It was a blur of blonde moustache hair. I haven’t seen him attack something like that since I saw him at Chucky’s Cheesesteaks down by the market.

Andy Reid was defensive about his actions when confronted by SSNN.

“Listen, we tied last week, right?” Reid said. “You know how they say a tie is like kissing your sister? Well, I’ve learned a lot about ties in the NFL in the last week, and what I’ve learned most is that I’m in a unique position to confirm or disconfirm that suspicion. And let me tell you something, vendejo; a tie is nothing like kissing your sister.”

When told that it was disgusting to watch, Reid exploded.

“Let’s not forget what brought this on,” Reid shouted. “We tied 13-13 with the Cincinnati Bengals. You want disgusting? Did you watch our overtime drives? Our quarterback not knowing the rules? That’s disgusting. Me taking advantage of my ‘rights’ with Sandy is nothing compared to that.”

Besides, Reid said, ties leave you cold and empty inside, whereas kissing your sister is actually quite enjoyable, once you get past the fact that it’s your sister, which is gross.

“Look, Sandy’s hot, and, wow, she can kiss,” Reid said. “Christ, you guys know, from what I understand, she’s made out with half of you already.”

This brazen display of inter-family loving has some people outraged. “I can’t believe ole Andy would get down like this,” fan Robbie Butcherelli commented. “He should be fired and thrown in jail!”

Others, like Billy Bob Hicks, disagreed. “I support ya Andy. Ya can’t control who yer born to and who yer attracted to. I say get some! Ain’t like yer family is so well behaved in the first place. You sure yer wife ain’t yer sister already?”

Reid said that he’s hopeful for a second tie in a row, so he can test out another age-old adage: “Tying two weeks in a row is like nailing your secretary every day for a week.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!