ARCHIVES — KG: “Facebook would be more fun if I had gone to college”

Enjoy this encore presentation of a classic SSNN piece.

BOSTON, MA — Though there have not been many occasions when he has regretted his decision of more than ten years ago, Kevin Garnett has recently admitted that he has thought a bit recently about what might have been.

“I go on Facebook, and it asks me for my network,” he said. “It makes me feel bad. Sad, too. It makes me feel like I’m not a part of anything. What can I put down for my network? Boston? I mean, everyone on there has their school, and the year they graduated. Some people even have two schools listed because they got advanced degrees. And what do I have? Nothing.”

Garnett said he’s doubly frustrated by the NBA’s new rule that requires players to attend at least one year of college, stating that it makes it hard for him to find new, like-minded friends.

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“I’m in this Facebook group that Korleone Young started, called ‘Straight to tha’ League,’” Garnett said. “There’s like 20 of us in there; me, Kobe (Bryant), Darko (Milicic), Lebron James, Kwame (Brown), T-Mac (Tracy McGrady). Korleone is a really good leader of that group, since he has a lot of time to work on it. But that group is over, I mean, we’re never gonna add another guy. I think Andrew Bynum might have been the last addition, and he doesn’t do anything. I’m not even sure why he has a profile.”

Garnett indicated that he’s sought some support from teammates Paul Pierce and Ray Allen, but that neither of them is offering much solace. “Those dudes went to college,” Garnett said. “Paul is always going to online events and sharing videos and stuff like that. And Ray, forget about it, he’s in like 30 different UConn-related groups.”

KG declared that he’s undeterred and will continue to use the popular social networking program.

“It’s prejudiced against people who only went to high school,” Garnett said. “But that’s fine, because I’m not going to be one of those people anymore. Yeah, you heard me. I’m going to enroll in University of Phoenix, so I can get to be a part of that huge network. Plus, I hear Shaq is already there.”